Confessions of a Cynic

I’ve never been one to hold back on letting someone know I have feelings for them. I’ve always felt that its just nice to let people know that you are interested in them in that way. It’s actually very flattering.

But.

Lately, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I didn’t have feelings for someone. Partly because I know that she won’t/doesn’t/never will feel the same way, and also because I am truly terrified of becoming an obsessive, love sick loser who gets too attached to people.

If only I knew, or had some idea, of which decision would be best…

I try so damn hard not to bother you, and give you the space you’ve asked me to give you, but I still seem to bother you simply by being in the same general area as you. It was you who kept me from providing an end to our “problem”, but you continue to hold a grudge against me for my mistakes. I fully admit to making several severely stupid mistakes, but if you really forgave me, as you said you did, the feelings of hatred you still harbor towards me would be gone..

You’re an ISFJ
ISFJ

“Ok. You are sympathetic, loyal, considerate, and conscientious. You will go to any amount of trouble, when it makes sense to you, to help those in need. You are responsible and enjoy being needed. You are down-to-earth and realistic and like others who are quiet and unassuming. You absorb and enjoy using a large number of facts.

You like situations where the rules are well defined and where traditions are to be upheld. You focus on providing practical help and services for others and for the organizations you serve. You have a strong work ethic.

You can be painstakingly accurate and systematic in handling tasks…you’re conservative with traditional values…quiet and modest…tactful and supportive of friends and family…

You are often self-effacing in getting the job done, and are willing to make necessary sacrifices, especially for your family. You are at your best quietly providing assistance and making sure things are in order.

You have a few close friends, don’t like disharmony, and try to keep cooperation at all costs…you’ll stay close friends with that tight circle for a LONG time…worry a lot…

You need to have things organized in a way you think works.. you cannot work when things are out of order…when things are in disarray, you have to reorganize ‘em immediately….you get involved with leisure ONLY after all the work is done…

You have a tendency to put off relaxing because there’s too much work to be done…you enjoy time with your family…you fall in love hard when you fall. You place a high value on marriage and family…you seek out a partner and feel unfulfilled without one. you most likely are a good student because you diligently follow through in your work to please your teachers…..you learn best by DOING…

You tend not to be the center of attention…often appear serious…others like trying to get a laugh or a smile out of you…you get angry or bitter when scorned…but you keep it inside…

Possible blindspots: because you are SOOOO in the present, you have a hard time seeing possibilities or consequences of your actions…can become mired in the daily grind…don’t forget to express your bottled-up feelings…you can be taken advantage of….could be pessimistic about the future because it’s unknown and you rely on past experiences…..you want to plan too much.”

ISFJ: “I Serve Family Joyfully”

Does this really describe me?

It always appears that i am complaining about things that didn’t go my way.

Well, that’s how i feel others perceive it.

Maybe I’m wrong, but just in case, I’ll have to cut back on how much I tell people.

To go through with something despite knowing the outcome wont be what you hoped for?

It makes no sense..

And yet, it seems right.

Somehow, I still have a desire to do something that i know will only prove fruitless and disheartening for me in the end.

And now i sit here, almost on the verge of tears because I honestly have no clue what to do…

The past few days have been an emotional roller-coaster, to say the least. One minute, I’m excited/nervous/anxious/, the next I’m contemplative and worried about how fucked up I will make things if I am to follow through with my original idea.

For those who don’t know, here is my situation: I have been planning to ask a friend of mine to our Senior Ball. Everything was set up, and it was going to be a relatively special event. However, there was a problem. I hadn’t given any serious consideration to how she would feel about me asking her. Not until last night anyways. And it was then that I realized, if i were to go through with everything I had been planning, I would basically be forcing her to do something she really didn’t want to do. And so, I made a choice. In the 11th hour, so to speak, I decided not to go through with it. Did I want to go with her to the senior ball? Of course. (And I still do.) But I will feel alot better about myself knowing that she isn’t being put in a situation where she feels she has to do something that she doesn’t want to do.

Now, i must sit and ponder all possible consequences of my actions..rather, inactions.

yet i still feel incredibly selfish.

Now for part 2.

This will be an interesting week, to say the least.

:D

and its only 9 o clock.

Ahh, im going to have a long weekend.